Ahoy! Gmail!

1

Don’t need an invite, but here’s a joke anyway…

Why are Pirates so mean?
They just arrrrrrrrrr!

2

I guess I’m not exempt from writing one myself:

A pirate walks into a bar with an enormous steering wheel stuck down his pants.

The bartender can’t help but ask, “What’s with the steering wheel?”

“YARRRRR,” the pirate answers, “it be drivin’ me nuts.”

3

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?”

The pirate replies “We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit me leg off.”

“Wow!” said the seaman. “What about yer hook”?

“Well…”, replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battlin the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut me hand off.”

“Incredible!” remarked the seaman. “How did you get the eyepatch”?

“A seagull dropping fell into my eye.”, replied the pirate.

“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously.

“Well…”, said the pirate, ”...it was my first day with the hook.”

4

what’s the heshen pirate’s favorite band?
gwarrrrrr!

(sorry, i seem to be the only one who likes that joke)

5

Found your site through a site that was talking about the world famous Phil’s BBQ. Going there for some lunch today. So how does one get an invite to the Google Gmail from yourself?

6

Just tell me a joke that’ll make me go, “Harrr harrr harrr!”

7

Cap’n Mad Dog Bob McDog gets sick of his parrot. All day long, squawk, squawk, pieces of eight, pieces of eight, it just won’t shut up. The more he tells it to, the noisier and more defiant it gets.

So he says ‘Arrr, roight, I’ll stop your beak” and locks his parrot in a cupboard. Bad move. He gets it in there after a fight, but it starts squawking and scratching and banging, on and on all day, until he can’t stand it.

“Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Roight!” he says, and he grabs the parrot out of the cupboard, and it pecks and sratches at him, but in the end he manages to get control of it and shuts it in the freezer (he’s an all mod cons kind of pirate). There’s a few seconds of squawking, and then complete silence. Not a sound. Not a word. Not a single ‘pieces of eight’ or ‘ooo’s a pretty boy then’. Mad Dog Bob gets concerned (he’s also a softhearted kind of pirate) so he gets the parrot out of the freezer. The bird is subdued, only speaks when it is spoken to.

“Arrrrr. Be ye ok?” Bob asks it.

“Yes, sir, thank you,” the parrot says quietly. “I am fine.”

“Arrrr, good. Are ye going to shut up from now on?”

“Yes sir, I will. But will you answer me just one last question?”

“Arrrrrrr, that I will.”

“What the hell did the chicken do to you?”

8

What do pirates use to drill holes in the ice?
An AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHer.

9

How did the pirate stop smoking?
He used the patch!

< groan >

10

Q. Why did the pirate drag a piece of timber through the park?
A. He wanted to walk the plank.

Ok it’s rubbish, but at least I made it up rather than Googling for gags…

11

A young pirate walks into a bAAAAARRRGGGHHHH called the Flamin’ AAARRRGGGHHHse and ask for a bacAAAAARRRRGGGHHHdi rum. The bAAARRRGGGHHHman AAARRRGGGHHHsks him for his pAAARRRGGGHHHssport and the pirate says “i left it in my cAAARRRGGGHHH.” “What kind of cAAARRRGGGHHH do you have, sir?” AAARRRGGGHHHsks the barman.

“I have 2 a VolkswAAARRRGGGHHHen and a farAAARRRGGGHHHi”